I once had a conversation with a student who was reluctant to fully commit himself to Christ. He had been part of our group for a couple of years, was a nice enough kid, but he just wasn’t willing to be “all-in” in his faith — and it was noticeable. As we talked, I just finally bluntly asked him, “James, what is holding you back in your faith?”
He told me straight up, “Yeah, I admit it, there is one big thing holding me back from being all-in in my relationship with Jesus.” And I am just waiting to hear an answer that I expected. It probably involved a girl… a parent who wasn’t authentic in their faith… he just can’t get victory over a certain sin… things that I had often heard from others… but… nope. “I really, really, really don’t want to be a missionary.” He said.
Dude… I’m serious! That was his response! And this kid was super-smart — I think he got a 35 out of 36 on the ACT and he scored a perfect in the math… And he was REAL serious — he was a thinker and had thought about this a ton; and he also valued authenticity and he had told me a few times before — I am not going to just act all-in for Jesus… not until I am really all-in for Jesus — and I respected that.
I probably wasn’t the best youth pastor in that moment because his answer surprised me so much that I laughed out loud. I said, “Really, that’s your hang up… God MIGHT ask you to be a missionary… so, you are saying God wants to make you miserable.” And he said, “No, I know God doesn’t want to make me miserable.” “Well, then,” I asked, “What does God want for you? He replied, “To know him. To love him. To understand He has plans for my future.” “Good plans?” I asked, “Yeah…” he said.
“So, if God asks you to be a missionary, then it wouldn’t be to make you miserable. It would actually help you know him more and love him more, and that would be part of the good plans that He has for your future?” There was more to the conversation than that, but…that night he prayed with me… “Lord, I am all in… I’ll be a missionary if you ask, even though I really don’t want to be one.” Don’t laugh at the prayer… it was 100% authentic and he meant it.
A few months later we had a bunch of students, including him, on a summer youth trip and a couple of students experienced a call to serve in missions one night. He came to me after the service and said… “I honestly DID NOT sense God asking me to be a missionary tonight.” And I said, “Yeah? Well, maybe He was just seeing if you were WILLING to be one.”
Can you relate at all? I know I can. It’s not always easy to lay aside our agenda to pursue God’s desires for our life. We might be asked to give of our time, our finances, our priorities, yet if we are confident that God loves us… wants us to know Him better… and we understand that all of His plans for our life are good, well — why do we sometimes hold back?
Sometimes I think God just wants to see if we are willing to do as He asks. Are we willing? Are we willing to lay aside our own agenda and pursuits… if His are different from ours? I wrestled with willingness for 8 years over whether I would answer His call to serve in ministry. I finally had to just ask myself… do I want to know God more… do I believe that He loves me… and are His plans for my life better than my plans? You know what? They sure are.
Never be afraid to say yes to God because a “yes” to God is way more fulfilling than a “no” — and His plans for your life are always good.
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